How to Spot Obsessive Love

In a romantic relationship, where’s the line between passionate pursuit and obsessive love? If you are currently in a relationship, understanding the difference is important. Here are a few signs that the relationship you’re in may not be healthy.

6 Characteristics of Obsessive Love

1. They Can’t Live Without You: Although this may sound romantic in some moments of intense emotions, if the person you are dating ever threatens their life over your relationship, it’s a red flag.
2. Demands Unreasonable Amounts of Your Time: If they do not give you the freedom to go to work, school, enjoy family time, or be in church activities, that can be dangerous.
3. Ignores Other Aspects of Their Life: If they are sacrificing their school, skipping work, not going to church, no longer prioritizing their family, or ignoring other responsibilities just to be with you constantly, that’s a harmful habit that you must not ignore.
4. Shows Excessive Jealousy: If they don’t want to share you with friends, your family, church, or work and they seem to get jealous over anything that competes for your attention, it’s a red flag.
5. Follows and Checks Up on You: Stalking behaviors, whether through tracking devices or physically, that is not healthy, it’s a prison.
6. Intense Emotions That Turn Possessive: Often this kind of “love” begins with intense emotions and flattery but soon turns into control and dominion, far from real love.

Just like water and alcohol can look alike but they’re very different, the same goes for love and obsession.

What the Bible Says

There’s a story of obsessive love in the Bible. The guy who struggled with it was called Amnon, son of David ( 2 Samuel 13). In this story, he desires Tamar, his half sister, so bad that it makes him sick. After getting advise from his friend, he ends up acting on the obsession and rapes Tamar.

If you are in a relationship, I would advise you to examine the behavior of the person that you are with. Don’t allow “love” to blind you. Here is a list of the main differences between genuine love and lust.

Love vs Lust

• Lust is pleasure focused; love is person focused.
• Lust grasps; love gifts.
• Lust feels like love.
• Lust is passion outside of principles; love is passion within principles. 
• Lust needs bad friends; love needs good mentors. 
• Lust seeks isolation; love seeks community.
• Lust forces sex; love initiates marriage. 
• Lust hurts; love heals.
• Lust does not last; love grows with time.
• Lust gets punished; love gets rewarded.

Don’t rush into relationship with a person who exhibits characteristics of obsessive love because they don’t love you. Protect your heart.

The best example of what love is for us is found in Jesus. We look to Him to see what real love is (1 Corinthians 13).

Read: 13 Signs They’re Not the One