13 Signs They’re Not “The One”

By Vladimir Savchuk | August 21, 2022 | 9 mins

13 Signs They’re Not “The One”

How do you know the person you’re dating is the person you’re supposed to marry? That can be a difficult question to answer quickly. However, one of the easiest ways to narrow down that answer is to highlight the signs that clearly show they are not. 

Signs They’re Not For You

1. A relationship with God is not a priority for that person. 

If God is not the most important for the person you’re interested in, that should be your first and biggest red flag. As followers of Christ, our first priority should be the Lord. Before you begin a relationship, it’s important that both you and the person that you’re interested in, are attached to the Lord and deeply devoted to Him. This is the only way to ensure that you will have a lasting foundation based on true love.

You can’t give true love if you first have not experienced it.

Jesus is the only source of true love. 

2. Their actions don’t usually match their words. 

Another thing that’s important to notice is the behavior and words of the person you are dating. If they struggle to keep their word, constantly go back on what they say, or make a habit of breaking promises, this is a sign of a major character flaw.

Even if they are followers of Christ, this kind of trait demonstrates immaturity in their ability to live out their commitments. It may seem like a small issue right now, but this will only grow with time. And if it’s not addressed, it will become a huge stumbling block in the growth and progression of your marriage.

This is not something to be overlooked or taken lightly.

3. Their closest friends are not committed to the Lord.

Now, many might say that we can’t just have Christian people surrounding us at all times, and I agree. We may not be able to control who surrounds us, but we can manage who gets close to us. 

When we see Jesus’s ministry, we see that He spent so much time with sinners and that was His heart and focus, but with whom He shared intimate moments were the disciples.

When someone only has close, intimate friendships with people that are not believers, it actually tells a lot about who the person is. This can often be a sign of their own level of commitment to the Lord.

It’s encouraged to be close and mentor those who we are trying to win to the Lord by our own life’s example, but when they are the only friends we have, that is when it can become dangerous territory. The Bible even warns us of this by saying,

Do not be deceived: Evil company corrupts good habits.

1 Corinthians 15:33

4. They have a “wandering eye.” 

Does he or she struggle with constantly checking out other girls or guys?

How do their social media accounts look?

Are they following lots of shirtless men, or promiscuous women online?

All of this, although it seems insignificant, can be a major tell-tale sign of their heart’s condition or an area where they have not found full freedom yet. 

It’s encouraged to keep an eye out for this. Lust is a big issue that has destroyed many marriages. It’s better to deal with it before marriage, instead of dragging another person into this issue once the lifetime commitment has been made.

If you struggle with this, seek deliverance. If it’s someone you’re interested in, encourage them to seek help, and confess it to someone in order to be held accountable. If they go through with your advice, it’s a huge step in the right direction for them to find true freedom in Christ.

Read the blog: Porn Addiction? 8 Ways To Overcome It

5. They haven’t healed from a past/recent relationship. 

If you’re dating someone who recently got out of a relationship, notice if they have properly healed from it. This is especially important if sexual immorality was committed. 

Having time in between relationships to heal is a good way of knowing whether they truly love you or if they are using you as they go through the stages of loneliness and withdrawal from the previous relationship. 

Emotional separation is hard after a breakup. The withdrawals come, and waves of loneliness hit. If you allow them to heal properly, it will provide insurance for your heart. 

Repentance and healing have to take place in their heart prior to them starting a new relationship.

If they don’t heal properly, they’ll bleed into their new relationship.

6. They show controlling or manipulative behavior.

This is an important sign, as it can be spotted easily while dating. 

When a person has an obsessive love, they aren’t actually in love with you. Instead, what they are expressing is an internal issue they have with control. They desire to control and their form of “love” has turned into possession of you instead of care for you.

If you’ve ever noticed their extreme jealously when you’re interacting with any person of the opposite sex, that is a red flag.

If you have ever heard them express anger because they desire you to not spend time with other family or friends that you love (within reason) because they desire to solely spend time with you, then there is a reason for concern.

Space is healthy in a relationship.

Remember that true love always gives freedom, trust, and the ability to choose.

It encourages friendships.

If you are constantly experiencing the opposite, it may be time to seriously evaluate the relationship you’re in.

7. They struggle with addictions. 

Addictions can be very damaging to any relationship.

When there is an option, never go into a relationship where the person you’re interested in has addictions––especially if they are unrepentant or unwilling to acknowledge their behavior. 

If they are facing addictions, they need help and freedom, not a relationship. At this stage of their life, the number one thing that will help them think clearly and be in the right headspace is freedom from the struggle they are facing. If possible they should seek deliverance. “Help” should come in the form of a professional counselor, a rehab facility, a mentor, a pastor, or a well-trusted guardian. Help is often not recommended to come in the form of a boyfriend or a girlfriend trying to “save” them.

Give them space to get free and grow into the individual who is able to love and care for your heart.

Once the addiction is dealt with, they will be in a much better state emotionally and mentally to manage a relationship. 

Watch this video if you’re interested in self-deliverance: click here

8. They have no respect for purity.

If you notice that from the beginning of the relationship, they are not interested in waiting until marriage for sex, that is a clear red flag. However, purity is not just waiting until marriage for intimacy. Purity has to do with many other boundaries that you decide in your heart will keep you pure before the Lord.

If you notice they are not willing to help you keep those before God, you need to stop and reevaluate the relationship you are in.

Purity is very important to the Lord, and it should be to us as well if we truly claim to love the Lord.

9. You wouldn’t want your kids to be like them.

If you couldn’t think of having your kid become like him or her, then you probably shouldn’t be with them.

10. You don’t have peace about it.

God often uses peace as an indicator of the path we should take. Take some time to pray and seek the Lord’s face concerning this issue. Allow God to speak to you through His different forms. Sometimes the lack of peace regarding an issue we’ve presented to the Lord can be a clear sign that we shouldn’t pursue that any further.

11. Your mentors/family are unsure about them.

One of the best pieces of advice I can give you is to listen to the people around you, especially if they fear the Lord. What are your close family, friends, and mentors saying about the person you are dating? If they disapprove, you should rethink your commitment to that person.

Chances are they are seeing something that your infatuation is not letting you see.

12. Being with them has distracted you from Christ, your church, and or family.

With the introduction of a new relationship, it can become very easy to become more distracted than usual. But be aware of not becoming so distracted that you lose sight of what really matters––God and your service to Him.

If you notice that they draw you away, or make you lose the desire to commune with your family, or with God, that can be a huge sign.

13. If you’re praying for God to change them.

Lastly, if already you find yourself praying that God changes them, that’s a red flag. Don’t stay by believing the lie that you can change them. That is the exception and not the rule.

Final Thoughts

Letting go of relationships is never an easy thing to do. Present your heart before the Lord and learn to be easily malleable in His hands.

If the person you are dating reflects these red flags, seriously consider the future of your relationship.

In the end, you have two options: stay with what seems “good”, or wait for God’s best.

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