When Dating – How Far is “Too Far” Sexually?

by Oct 14, 2021Dating, sexual purity

Many Christian couples who are dating often ask this question, “how far is “too far” in our relationship?”

I think the question they’re really trying to ask is, “how close can we get to sin without actually sinning?” The basis of this question is wrong. As Christians, we should not try to see how close to Hell we can get without going there – we should see how close to Jesus we can stay so that we will not want to commit sin.

There are also believers out there who honestly just want to know how far is too far.

These are the 3 things you should know to help you answer that question for yourself.

3 Things to Know

1. Ask the right question

Instead of asking the question “Is it wrong to…?” we should replace that with the question – “Is it wise to…?” If the Bible is not clear about it – whether it’s kissing or holding hands, we should just ask ourselves, “is it wise to?”

Nobody does what is wrong until they do multiple times what is not wise. #HowFarIsTooFarSexually? Click To Tweet

The reason why they do things that are not wise is that they are convinced that they are not wrong. People who commit sexual sin don’t fall into it, instead, they end up in sexual sin because they did many things, which they convinced themselves were not sinful.

The Bible says that the man who built his house on the sand was a foolish man (Matt. 7:24-27). It doesn’t say that he was a sinful man, but that he was foolish – meaning that he lacked wisdom. We see that the five foolish virgins missed their appointment with the King (Matt. 25:1-13). The Bible doesn’t say that they were sinful virgins or that they lost their virginity. They simply did things that were not wise.

It is possible to maintain your virginity but compromise physically or sexually.

The things you’re doing:

– Can they lead to sin?

– Are they wise things?

– Can they tarnish your testimony?

If they don’t qualify as sin, but they qualify as an “unwise” decision – stop heading down that path.

2. His will is your sanctification.

Scripture is very clear about us not even having a hint of immorality.

1 Thessalonians 4:3 says, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality…”

If you want to know what is God saying, what His will is – this is it. His will is your sanctification. He’s not interested in how close to sexual sin you can get, He’s saying, “I want you to be separated for Me.”

In 1 Thessalonians 4:4-6, it says, “that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified.”

Sexual immorality is not only a sexual act but it is also a sin in the mind. God wants us to learn to possess our own vessel in sanctification and honor. He wants us to learn to control ourselves, our urges, and our passions – to submit our biology to our theology.

Submit your biology to your theology. #HowFarIsTooFarSexually? Click To Tweet

Your body is your vessel. It shouldn’t control you, it shouldn’t dictate you. Once you get married the temptation for sexual immorality does not stop. The same devil that pushes single people to have sex before marriage will push the married folk not to have sex at all with their spouse.

The devil is not interested in you having fun; the devil is interested in staining your conscience and for you to do what is forbidden. He wants to pollute, corrupt, and stain your conscience in order to break your relationship with your spouse and with God.

Click to Read: 7 Steps To Renew Your Mind

3. Use wisdom – Don’t invest more than you’re willing to lose.

When you are dating, don’t stir up feelings in the other person that you are unable or unwilling to meet.

Don’t talk, touch, behave, or dress in such a way that the enemy will take advantage of the whole situation and cause you to sin.

Don’t invest more than you’re willing to lose. #HowFarIsTooFarSexually? Click To Tweet

So many people start dating and start getting physical very early on in their relationship.

When you open the door to sin you must understand that you are opening the door to Satan. You’re going to have Satan in your relationship instead of the Holy Spirit.

Guard yourself. Walk in holiness. Walk in righteousness.

For those who are trying to figure out the boundaries in their own relationship.

Here are some questions to ask yourself:

  • Did your relationship start wrong or did it start right?
  • What is the reason for your relationship?
  • Is God the center? Are you planning to get married one day or is this just for fun?
  • Does your relationship have God’s blessing already on it?

If you started your relationship wrong, typically you will end up doing wrong things. And that relationship should just end today. If there is no clear purpose for the relationship, then you are flirting with fire.

The relationship that’s dating before marriage is like driving in a school zone. The speed of your physical interaction has to be at an extremely slow speed.

The moment people begin to act like they are husband and wife, even if they are not committing sexual sin, they are staining their reputation. They are staining their testimony and it will lead to sexual sin sooner or later.

God wants the relationship to focus first on the spiritual things, on social things, and then to focus on the emotional when things get more serious.

Only when people get married can they focus on the physical.

Last Thought

Now, everyone has different convictions.

Some people draw the lines where you can’t hold hands, some draw the line where you can’t kiss.

If you draw the line at having no hint of immorality in your life, you will not regret it.

Do not to see how close you can get to the cliff without falling, but how close you can get to God without even desiring to commit sin. #HowFarIsTooFarSexually? Click To Tweet

Be sanctified for the glory of God and live in such a way that you lead your brother or sister closer to Christ. Not closer to temptation.


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