The Process of Forgiveness

Content from an Interview with Frida Umuhoza

Many people believe that forgiveness means forgetting the offense that occurred and that it’s an instant process. This is not true. Forgiving does not mean forgetting the details of the abuse or excusing the abuser.

What Forgiveness Is and Isn’t

It is not about minimizing the crime or abuse, and making the choice to forgive does not indicate weakness. Rather, this choice is an act of obedience towards God and involves us imitating God (Ephesians 5:1).

It is a gift from God, and we need His grace to forgive, especially when the abuser is still around.

It’s important for us to remember that while this is never as easy choice to make, the God that we serve is full of grace, and when we ask for it, He will grant us grace to be able to make this hard choice.His mercies are new every morning, and we should ask for them daily to help us reach a point of forgiveness.

Steps to Forgive

These are simple but very practical principles to remember when dealing with forgiveness.

1. Understand that forgiveness isn’t about forgetting or excusing the abuse.
2. Realize it’s an act of obedience towards God.
3. Ask God for the grace to forgive.
4. Remember it’s not a feeling; it’s a journey.
5. Trust in God’s truth and let feelings catch up.
6. Differentiate between forgiveness and trust.
7. Seek wisdom and support from a counselor, pastor, or friend.

Forgiveness does not mean that you must trust the perpetrator again. In some cases, it does not even mean reconciliation. Romans 12 teaches us to live at peace with everyone, but this does not always result in restored relationships.

Read: How to Forgive Someone

Final Thoughts

If you are sense the need to forgive someone in your life that has brought great damage to you, consider seeking the guidance of a counselor, pastor, or friend to walk the journey with you and provide support. I would strongly encourage you not to wait for the feeling of forgiveness to come; instead, trust in God’s Word and let your feelings catch up over time.

Watch the full interview below where Frida relays the story of how she forgave the people who buried her alive.