What Type of Sex Is Allowed In Marriage?

Disclaimer: This content is not suitable for all ages. It is for a mature audience only.

The topic of sex is taboo in many Christian churches. Very few people are willing to answer the hard and uncomfortable questions that people have concerning what is okay and what is off-limits in the marriage bed.

The Bible tells us,

“Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled, but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”

Hebrews 13:4

The Greek word for “undefiled” is only used in this exact form 4 times in the New Testament and it means uncontaminated and set apart.

Because of people’s unwillingness to discuss sex, I wrote this blog to answer the commonly asked questions regarding sex in a Christian marriage.

4 Sexual Acts Prohibited In The Bible

Adultery

We see in different verses that this is a clear sin (Matthew 19: 9; Exodus 20:14). Due to the influence of TV shows and other forms of social media, our culture is being influenced by the idea that “spouse swapping” is fun and okay to do. This, however, is considered adultery.

“You shall not commit adultery.”

Exodus 20:14

Threesomes

A threesome is when more than 2 people are involved in sexual intimacy with the consent of the spouse.

Some people try and defend their desire for a threesome by stating that Jacob had 2 sisters that he had sex with; however, there isn’t one Scripture that tells us that Jacob slept with both sisters at the same time.  

We do see that polygamy was allowed for a time for the nation of Israel, but although it was permitted, Jesus states that it was not God’s perfect will (Matthew 19:3-10).

“…He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate..”

Matthew 19:4-6

Virtual Adultery (Porn)

Pornography destroys marriages.

Whether both parties consent, the act of watching porn is inviting demons into your marriage. It’s a matter of time until the spirits that are operating behind those people in that industry come into your life and your marriage through those videos. I have often heard stories of couples that have done this and shortly after, if they did not repent, their marriage fell apart.

Read: Tips To Overcome Porn Addiction

Rape

Rape is all non-consensual sex – even within marriage.

Scripture states,

“… For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time…”

1 Corinthians 7:4-5   

As a result of this verse being taken out of context, many men believe that their wife’s body belongs only to them. Therefore, they can demand sex and are fully entitled to force sex upon their wife.

However, the Scripture here is talking about giving satisfaction in sex – serving the other person with this act. It has nothing to do with demanding and forcing sex on the other spouse.

According to the Bible, these 4 sexual acts are clearly defined for us as a defilement of the marriage bed, and we should therefore not participate in them as believers.

What about things like oral sex, anal sex, or sex toys?

Although the Bible does not give a definite answer, here is a basic template for you and your spouse to work through when deciding if something is okay for your marriage.

Template For Deciding What Sexual Acts Are Okay

1. Is It Prohibited in Scripture?

Does the Bible condemn this act? When something is not clearly prohibited in Scripture, you can assume that it is permitted.

2. Is This Beneficial?

Is the act of participating in this harmful in any way? Is it helpful?

Apostle Paul says,

“All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.”

1 Corinthians 6:12

Another good question to ask is, “will this bring our marriage together or can it drive us apart?”

3. Is There Mutual Consent?

If the other spouse is forced into an act or is uncomfortable participating, then it is not okay – even if the Bible is not against it, and there doesn’t seem to be any apparent harm.

In the end, what matters most for your marriage is honoring God and respecting the limitations and boundaries of your spouse.