Debunking the 5 Myths of Marriage

Content from Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn

Shaunti and Jeff, authors of For Men Only and The Good News About Marriage, are researchers who’ve studied marriage extensively. They shared with me many of the standard but skewed myths that people in our day and age believe about marriage.

The 5 Common Myths

Myth 1: “50% of Marriages End in Divorce”

Most of us have heard the statistic that “half of all marriages end in divorce.” But Shaunti’s research shows that this isn’t true. When she first researched this further (Bureau of Vital Statistics), she found that the numbers didn’t match the 50% narrative. In fact, today’s divorce rate is much lower and has been decreasing since 1980.

Knowing the real numbers can make a huge difference in the outlook that many people have toward marriage, especially when the media and culture push the contrary.

Myth 2: “Most Marriages Are Just Average”

Another common belief is that most marriages are merely average and unfulfilling. However, their research shows that about 80% of couples say they’re happy.

When Shaunti asks people what percentage of marriages they think are happy, the average guess is only around 30%. But the truth is that most couples genuinely enjoy being married, and a huge majority are content in their relationships.

Myth 3: “Divorce Rates Are the Same Among Christians as in the World”

Now, there is a big misconception among Christians that divorce rates are the same as non-believers. However, Shaunti partnered with Barna, a major research group, and discovered that’s not the case.

In fact, statistics show that people who attend church regularly have much lower divorce rates—anywhere from 25% to 50% lower than non-church goers.

Myth 4: “Second Marriages Have Higher Divorce Rates”

Additionally, I know that we’ve all heard the statistic that second marriages have a much higher divorce rate than first marriages, with some even claiming that the rate is 60% or higher.

However, after years of research, Shaunti found that this is actually an urban legend. In reality, around 65% of people in second marriages stay together, a number similar to first marriages.

Myth 5: “Marriage Problems Are Caused by Major Issues”

Lastly, many believe that marriage problems stem from big issues, but Shaunti’s research states that it’s usually the little things that go unattended that can cause huge fractures within a marriage.

Most couples dealing with frustration simply don’t understand what the other needs on a day-to-day basis. Making small changes to acknowledge your partner and be there for them throughout the day can make a huge difference in strengthening your marriage. I want to encourage you that solving these little misunderstandings can bring lasting joy into a marriage, regardless of what the media and culture say.

Final Thoughts

It’s important to understand that marriage is not as tough as culture often makes it out to be, and many marriages can thrive when they take the time to invest in their marriage and their partner. May the Lord strengthen your journey together and give you a renewed perspective in this area.

You can find more resources and insights on marriage at Shaunti’s website, here.

Read: Navigating Expectations vs Reality in Marriage