Our modern dating culture accepts and encourages casual sexual relationships, making intimacy something that is often detached from commitment. However, this model is far from the way believers should view dating and intimacy.

1 Thessalonians 4:4-5 reminds us that God wants us to live differently to the world around us. Here are a few ways that believers should view dating.

Dating Like the World

In our day and age, relationships often focus on personal gain—what one can get from the other—rather than what can be contributed to the relationship. Additionally, there is often no regard for spiritual connection or compatibility. Instead, we regularly see individuals dating multiple people simultaneously to “keep options open.”

While this casual approach to dating is accepted by our culture, as believers we must remember that the world operates this way because the Bible isn’t their authority, the Holy Spirit isn’t their guide, and they follow their own desires.

Instead, the motto “Love is love” becomes the guiding principle, with personal truth and happiness at the center. However, when we have the Lord in the center, here are a few perspective shifts that take place.

Dating with the Dove

1. Opposite Gender

The Bible does not condone same-gender relationships. God created male and female, and Jesus reaffirmed this by stating that a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, highlighting that marriage is between a man and a woman.

2. Same Faith in the Lord

In a dating relationship that seeks to honor God, both individuals should be in the Lord, not merely attending church or sharing values. Scripture emphasizes that a woman may marry whom she wishes, but only in the Lord, highlighting that faith in Christ is a non-negotiable foundation for Christian relationships.

3. Dating for Marriage

Next, it’s important that dating should have marriage as its ultimate goal. While going on a date doesn’t immediately mean marriage, dating without marriage in mind risks emotional harm.

I also want to note that once an individual is married, dating should continue because it’s important for nurturing the marriage.

4. Involving Pastors and Parents

Involving wise counsel from pastors, parents, and mentors helps avoid blind spots, infatuation, and deception. Wise counsel offers prayer, guidance, and perspective that prevents hasty, emotionally driven decisions. Shutting out these voices is dangerous, as it silences wisdom and the Holy Spirit’s warnings.

5. Postponing Sexual Relationships

Lastly, remember that contrary to cultural norm and pressure, sexual purity is essential until marriage. 2 Timothy 2:22 urges believers to flee youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace with a pure heart. Even if you are engaged, sexual relations should be kept until marriage.

How to Walk in Sexual Purity While You Are Dating

• Flee Youthful Lusts – Avoid situations that could lead to sexual sin. Spending time alone at night watching movies or being in secluded places increases temptation.
• Pursue Purity – Purity requires intentionality. It involves setting boundaries, guarding them, and making purity a priority. Without active pursuit, purity is unattainable.
• Surround Yourself with a Godly Community – Surround yourself with believers who also pursue purity. Participate in small groups and church gatherings. Avoid isolating from community, as support and accountability are essential.

Read: Christian Dating Basics