Cut Them Off If They Do This During The Dating Stage

The goal of dating is not just to find someone, but to find the right someone—a person who honors God, respects you and aligns with biblical values. When we begin dating it can often be difficult to see red flags right away. However, here are a few signs to help you discern if the person you are dating is meant for you.

Signs They May Not Be For You

1. They don’t prioritize their walk with God.

The first sign is simple for believers. If they’re not pursuing God right now, it’s important to understand that most likely, they won’t suddenly become spiritual after marriage.

The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 6:14 to “not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.” In other words, if they don’t pray, read the Word, attend church inconsistently, and have no spiritual accountability, I would encourage you to break it off with them for the sake of your spiritual health. If their faith is only in words and not in action, it’s time to say goodbye.

2. They disrespect you or others.

Next, it’s important to really try and see how they treat you and others around you. The way they treat you, your family, and strangers reflects their true character. If they disrespect you now, know that the disrespect will only intensify in marriage. If they belittle you, mock your beliefs, dismiss your feelings, talk down on waiters or your family, and explode in anger over small inconveniences, then cut them off. A godly reflection is one of love and honor (Romans 12:10).

3. They are inconsistent and unreliable.

Another important tip is to look for a person who is serious about a relationship. This type of person will show consistency in their effort. Often in a relationship, cheap excuses and mixed signals are a sign of immaturity or a lack of genuine interest, things most of us hope to avoid.

The Bible tells us in James 1:8 that a person who is double-minded is unstable. If the person you are dating or interested is constantly making promises they don’t follow through on, or reaching out only when convenient, cut them off. That kind of person is unreliable and plays with your emotions. Let them go.

4. They pressure you to compromise.

Also, remember that a godly relationship will protect your purity, not test it.

If your boyfriend causes you to sin, the decision is simple—end it. If they pressure you for physical intimacy, guilt-trip you into crossing boundaries, or justify sin by saying “everyone is doing it,” they do not honor purity and holiness. This is the sort of behavior the Bible encourages us to get far away from (1 Corinthians 6:18).

5. They are dishonest or secretive.

It’s also important to keep an eye out for their ability, to be honest in different situations. Lies at this stage will only lead to broken trust later. A godly partner walks in truth and transparency because they don’t have to hide anything (Luke 8:17). If they hide their phone, give weird stories about their past/present that don’t fully make sense or conflict with other stories, or if they refuse to discuss important topics openly, they cannot be trusted. Cut them off.

6. They don’t apologize or take responsibility.

Additionally, I would encourage you to notice if they are mature enough to apologize when they are in the wrong. Mature people admit when they are wrong and seek to grow. That’s part of wisdom. A wise person becomes more wise when corrected, while a foolish or evil person resists correction.

The Bible says in Proverbs 28:13 “He who covers his sins will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.” In other words, if they never admit they’re wrong, always blame others, get defensive instead of seeking reconciliation, and never ask for forgiveness or try to change, it’s time to end things with them.

7. They are emotionally controlling.

Lastly, be discerning as to their emotional health. A person who is emotionally unstable or controlling will bring chaos and not peace in your life. Now, I am not referring to people who the Lord is growing and they are repenting and changing. I am talking about those who are unstable, manipulative, and often choosing to not repent and change. I would encourage you to cut off any relationship where you are manipulated with guilt, fear, and control. If they overreact emotionally, refuse to self-regulate, demand constant attention, or get jealous easily, cut them off. It’s important to know that if they can’t control their emotions, they’ll try to control you.

The fruit of the Spirit is self-control, not people control!

What to Look For in a Spouse

When it comes to marriage, don’t just settle. Marriage is a lifelong covenant; it’s not just a romantic choice. If someone disrespects, deceives, and devalues you in the dating stage, marriage won’t fix it. It will only expose it. Cut them off and move on. Choose a partner who loves God more than they love you.

Read: 64 Questions to Ask Before Getting Engaged