Can Your Marriage Be Blessed If You’re Not A Virgin?

The Scripture tells us, again and again, to “be holy,” but what if someone, who lost their virginity approaches Jesus?

Can God still bless their marriage?

Do they have to face their future with an expectation of consequences for their past sins?

If you’re someone who is puzzled about this area in your life, continue reading.

My Story

I became a youth pastor at the age of 16. Now I am 35, and after years of walking with Christ and being in ministry, I’ve seen God do amazing things in the lives of believers – many of whom lost their virginity before the marriage.

Although I was a virgin physically when I got married, I wasn’t one mentally. I had to undergo a process of deliverance where God set me free from the addiction to pornography and later helped me to purify my mind.

On the other hand, my wife’s past involved sexual immorality. And just the same, she had to undergo a process of deliverance and sanctification in her life as well.

Funny enough, when I came to know about her past very early on, I broke up with her right after. It wasn’t until later when I began to seek God concerning this issue, that God gave me peace about it.

And now after being married for 11 years, there are a few things I want to share with you with the help of Scripture.

Condemnation & The Corinthians

The Voice of Condemnation

Premarital sex has caused believers to fall into a pit of guilt and shame. The sin of sexual immorality hangs around causing torment to the believer through the voice of condemnation.

Oftentimes people with a past of sexual immorality are accused with condemnation and this causes them to return to sin, again and again.

The biggest problem we’re faced with when fighting this is not the actual sin but the condemnation that follows.

It is not hard for Jesus to forgive sexual sins but it is harder for people to recover from those sins.

The Bible makes it clear that every other sin we commit out of the body, but sexual sin we commit through our body. Actually, when we have sex outside of marriage, more than just our body is involved. Our soul and our innermost being can also develop soul ties.

The only way to get out of it is to embrace the gift that Jesus offers – “Now there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1)

The following verse helps you understand this more effectively.  

Who Were The Corinthians?

1 Corinthians 6:9-11 states, “Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people—none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God. Some of you were once like that. But you were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made right with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”

We see through the context in this book, that the Corinthians were idolaters, homosexuals, prostitutes, and thieves, but they were made holy.

How?

They were cleansed and made right with God by the blood of Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit. They were cleansed, sanctified, and justified.

And then Paul says in 2 Corinthians 11:2, “For I am jealous for you with the jealousy of God himself. I promised you as a pure bride to one husband – Christ.”

Notice the word “pure bride“? They lost their virginity but God restored their purity and innocence and gave them hope for a better future. 

5 Things to Remember:

If you’ve lost your virginity and have repented, but perhaps find yourself still struggling with guilt and shame, here are five practical things to focus on:

1. Jesus is better at saving you than you are at sinning.

If you are a good sinner, Jesus is a better Savior. He saves you no matter what you’ve gone through. His grace is so amazing that it does not leave you with a stain of your past sins. 

2. Forgive yourself as Jesus has forgiven you.

According to Romans 8:1, when you are in Christ Jesus there is no condemnation. If you’ve repented, take your eyes off of yourself and let your gaze be fixed upon the cross of Jesus. He bore your guilt and condemnation and you no longer need to bear the weight of it.

3. Condemn condemnation or else you will live in compromise.

His grace has enabled you to live a holy life.

Grace is not a license to sin, it is a weapon to overcome sin. Whenever you choose to stick with condemnation, you’re compromising yourself with something lesser than yourself.

Remember, God’s grace teaches you to deny ungodliness and it gives you forgiveness.

4. Receive and enjoy your new identity as a new creation.

2 Corinthians 5:17 states, “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.”

If you have accepted Christ, you are no longer what your sin says. You are a new creation who is righteous in the sight of Almighty God. God doesn’t look at you as someone who has lost their virginity, instead, you are a new creation, a royal priesthood, and a chosen generation (1 Peter 2:9). 

When the enemy reminds you of the past, remind him about his future.

5. Get deliverance, inner healing, and godly counsel.

If you’ve committed sexual sin, approach somebody who can help you and guide you. Find a godly mentor or a person you can trust and seek their help.

Grace is not a “do whatever you want since you’re forgiven,” pass. Mercy is God’s second chance and His grace is the ability to overcome whatever may come your way.

There are still consequences to our wrong choices but with Christ, you can always look forward to a future with hope.

There is hope as long as Christ lives!