Are They “The One”? Here’s How to Know

If you are single or in a dating season, these questions have probably crossed your mind at least once: “How do I know if they are ‘the one’?” or “Does God really have only one possible choice for us to select as a spouse?

Here are a few things that Scripture teaches us about finding a spouse.

What Scripture Says

Genesis 2:20 it says, “…But for Adam, no suitable helper was found…”

That word suitable can also be defined as compatible or similar. Adam was looking for someone with this one requirement: they had to be compatible with Adam. She had to be suit his needs and fit him for his assignment, much like a key clicking into a lock.

I don’t believe that God plays the lottery with relationships. If there was only one possible person that you could be with and you missed that person by marrying someone else – that would mean that your whole life would be messed up and you could mess up the cycle for everyone else.

Paul is very clear in 1 Corinthians 7:39. It says, ‘A wife is bound by the law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.’

It says ‘whom she wishes’. Not whom the Lord said. The only requirement to find out who the “one” is, is that they must be in the Lord.

6 Ways To Know They’re The One

1. The Opposite Gender

Scripture is very clear that God wants us to marry someone who is the opposite gender to us. As Christians, this is a no-brainer, and it’s clear that this is how God intended relationships to be from the beginning.

2. Faith Has to Match

Secondly, not only should they believe in God, but they should believe in Jesus. It’s not enough to just believe in God. I would even go as far to say that you should share doctrinal preferences about important things like the gifts of the Holy Spirit, baptizing in the name of Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit, about the kind of church that you go to, speaking in tongues, deliverance, etc.

If you don’t agree doctrinally, you’re going to end up arguing and having a lot of fights over doctrine. We are spiritual beings and our faith in God is very important to us.

3. Your Values Should Match

Also, it’s possible to share the same faith but have different values. Differing in values will create a clash, and sooner or later you may find yourselves going in different directions. For example, you may have different spending habits, but it’s very different when it comes to your life values – the things that are important to you.

4. Peace is an Indicator

You need to have peace with this person. If your gut says no, don’t move ahead. Hold on and pay attention. Don’t rush into anything that you have no peace over, even if they are attractive and you think they’re perfect. Sometimes He withholds peace and that’s a sign that you shouldn’t be in that relationship or that you should pause or wait. Never go against your peace.

5. You Must Be Attracted to Them

Lastly, when you begin a relationship it’s important to have attraction. And if you don’t have this, then don’t rush into that relationship, because this is what really makes the relationship different from every other relationship in your life is the attraction that you have to them. But remember that attraction alone will not sustain your relationship.

Do you really like this person? Do you really want to be with this person?

Final Thoughts

All five points can be summarized in one word – compatibility. Make sure that you are compatible in all the areas that matter.

This is a very serious decision that you are going to make in life; however, I will advise you not to overcomplicate this. God wants you to be involved in choosing your spouse. Don’t over-spiritualize it.

You don’t need to have 27 prophetic words and 28 signs to know if they are the one for you. You don’t need to flip the fleece-like Gideon did (Judges 6:36-40) and you don’t need angels from heaven to come and confirm it. Just follow the Scriptures and trust that God will guide you.

Read: Navigate Expectations In Marriage