Christian Dating Basics

The book of Ruth in the Bible tells us the story of a young widow, Ruth, who leaves her home to follow her mother-in-law, Naomi, to Israel—a land where everything was new (Ruth 2). Despite the differences, Ruth’s loyalty to Naomi and her openness to a new faith help her to be open for what God wanted to do in her life. While reading this story, there were a few things that stood out to me regarding dating.

Principles for Dating

1. Make Time For God

In chapter two of Ruth, we see that Ruth takes initiative to glean in the fields even when nobody told her to. This eventually became the place where she meets Boaz.

I encourage you to shift your mindset during this single season of your life and focus on seeking the face of God. Instead of wasting your time on things that don’t really matter long-term, invest into your spiritual life. Shift your focus from, “I need a boyfriend or girlfriend,” to “I need the spiritual gifts.”

Let your desires be godly; desire to be used to lead others to Christ. Grow in your discipline of Bible reading, prayer, and fellowship with other believers. Immerse yourself into the things of God while you’re single. Don’t allow the enemy to distract you with useless things.

2. Go From Volunteer to Owner

In the story, we see that once Ruth was in Bethlehem, she went to serve gleaning someone else’s field. What Ruth didn’t know was that the field that she was gleaning would soon become the field which she would own (Ruth 2:2-3).

I always encourage people to not be idle just because they’re single. Invest your time, energy, and focus into seeking the Lord and volunteering in His house. You may find that you have extra time on your hands at this stage. If that’s the case, begin to work in someone else’s “field.” God has a destiny inside of you that sometimes is developed as we serve others.

3. Don’t Allow Your Passions to Set Your Principles

Purity only happens when passion is regulated by our principles. When Ruth goes to Boaz’s field, the Bible says that he finally notices her (Ruth 2:8-9).

And although later on we see that Boaz wanted to marry Ruth, he was aware of the traditions of that time and he understood that there was another man in line before him (Ruth 3:12). If the man refused, then Boaz could come in and marry her. Boaz didn’t let his passion dictate his principles. He let the principles regulate his passion.

That means if he’s attractive, do not pursue him if he is not a Christian! It does not matter how “hot” you think he is; hell is hot too! You have to let the principles of God control your passion. Purity can only exist when you honor your standards, which should be based on God’s law and Holy Word.

4. Dating is Like Driving–You Need a Good Car

You are ready to date when you are ready for marriage.

Just as driving requires readiness and responsibility, dating should be approached with maturity and preparation for marriage. For instance:

• License Age Limit: Just as driving requires a license, dating requires emotional and spiritual maturity that only comes after a certain age.
• Readiness for Commitment: Being ready to date means being prepared for the responsibilities and commitments of marriage. This involves being financially stable, emotionally mature, and spiritually grounded. Dating should be viewed as a journey towards marriage, not merely as a pursuit of romantic or fleeting emotional experiences.
• The Terrain Matters: High-end cars are designed for smooth, paved roads, not rough terrains. Similarly, relationships thrive best on the solid ground of purity.
• Follow Road Signs: Drivers must heed to road signs for safety. Similarly, you should strive to keep boundaries and limits set by God in your relationships.
• Avoiding Distractions: Drivers are told to steer clear of texting and driving. In the same way, avoid physical intimacy before marriage. It can wait until after the altar.

Conclusion

I want to remind you that if you are dating someone and they refuse to honor your standards, then you need to call in the reinforcements. If he loves you, he will get a job, put a ring on it, and take you to the altar.

Some may ask—What if I lost my virginity before knowing Christ?
When you come to Christ in repentance and accept Him as Lord and Savior, He resets your past and forgives your mistakes. Begin to live in holiness as if you will never sin again. Begin to raise your standards and remove yourself from compromising situations.

Do not spend your weekend clubbing, but in prayer. Go to church during your free time. Get your life in line with His principles and Holy Spirit so that He can use you.

Read: Can Your Marriage Be Blessed If You’re Not A Virgin?